/r/ - miscellaneous

When I'm up late at night alone, when everyone is asleep except me, I find myself longing for the times I had when I was younger. I'm not even that old, but I can't help but long for when I was a teenager; there were so many new experiences and things felt so exciting. I think about listening to my favorite bands for the first time, becoming deeply invested in genres, meeting new friends, feeling competent at my skills for the first time, and plenty of other experiences I'll never have for the first time again.

I remember sneaking onto the family computer late at night and exploring the Internet, learning things nobody else knew. I remember reading and watching things that made me imagine wonderful worlds that I may some day live in. I remember watching videos about mysteries and worldwide scavenger hunts that captivated and inspired me. I remember diving into hobbies that would stay with me for the rest of my life. I remember meeting people who would become dear to me on forums that no longer exist.

I remember talking to people on chatrooms, people who shared my interests and were like me in ways nobody I had met before were. I remember having a best friend for the first time that I could tell anything to. I remember listening to music that sounded nothing like I had hear before, music that I would spend hours upon hours listening to. I remember sharing projects with my online friends that felt special and our own, and learning what we could do together.

I remember meeting up with my online friends for the first time, spending a whole week in person with a group of people I had known for years and become closer with than anyone else I had ever met, despite never meeting them face to face. I remember going to a convention with just my friends and I for the first time, having a small amount of money and a lot of freedom that I had never had before. It felt like a whole world was now open to me. I remember treating my mom to a trip out for Mother's Day on my own dime for the first time. I remember learning a second language and feeling like I had superpowers by reading text that nobody else could understand. I remember falling in love for the first time, staying up late listening to whole albums with her, taking her out to the city, and having someone I loved who loved me.

I remember moving out and meeting a group of friends outside the Internet where I felt I belonged for the first time. I remember going out late partying with them, having a group of friends I never had in high school to go out and have fun with spontaneously. I remember exploring a new city for the first time all alone, being the master of my life with few responsibilities. I remember getting into concerts and clubs with a VIP pass for the first time and feeling like I was part of something important. I remember traveling the country for the first time, visiting places I had only ever read about and having no itinerary.

People older than me say that life has only just begun, and they're probably right. But as time moves by faster and faster, I can't help but think of the world I lived in as a teenager that no longer exists, and the wonderful experiences I'll never have again. There will be new experiences in my life that bring me new levels of joy, I know that. I'll make new friends who show me a completely new perspective on life, I'll move to a foreign country and experience a completely new culture in the future, and someday I'll fall in deeply in love and become a father. But even so, even as the sun comes up while writing this, I feel a longing for when I was carefree and the cultures that existed back then.

If anyone wants to write about what they miss from their teenage years, I would be happy to read them and include them as anecdotes for a project I'm working on.